My Blog

Tired.. By the way, anyone knows what is shoppers in chinese? You know everytime you hear the host say, dear shoppers etc etc.. but in chinese? anyone knows what that translate into?? so pretty lost.

And i hate basil and galangal ginger! the chinese translation is soo complicated, had a hard time pronoucing it. Anyway, how’s my first public hosting? It’s not too good. Too short a time to know my script, too much to cover too.

Had to converse in english then in chinese, the chef, the organiser, remind the shoppers on the activities, events going on. ALL in 1 hour!! Did not do very well tough but it’s fun. I enjoyed it a lot.. get paid some more. WAHAHAHA

2 more days to go..  wish me luck

Cindy

I’m going to do something pretty exciting.. I’m engaged to do some hosting in shopping mall.  I’m kind of scared.. Yes yes I know soo thick-skinned already how to get scared. I’ve been doing pretty much of ROM and Wedding hosting, this is the first time i’m attempting a public hosting. Looking forward to it. I was checking the other day if there are any courses to take.. GRIN.. 

It’s going to be a 3 days thing, and NOPE i’m not going to say where the venue is. I’ll be updating on the experience soon.

Cindy

There are some times when you feel like you own the whole world. For me yesterday was one of the few times, It was right after dinner and as usual, my dad washes the dishes while the rest of us will be in the living room. When my dad emerge from the kitchen, he has in his hands 1 conetto and 1 tin tam.

He pass the tin tam over to my mom, and they both sat there eating their desserts happily. Dad’s on the floor, Mom’s in the sofa.  I’m looking at them from behind and at that point i felt that i own the world My parents are very happy with "unhealthy food" and i so happily just look at them finish their desserts

I wonder when I’m old, will my husband shared his desserts with me.  hee hee, I want yogurt ice-cream with fresh slice orange. mai fun right but that’s my world.

What’s your world?

Cindy

Just last week, I was informed that my friend was diagnosed with breast cancer at stage 3 / 4 . This friend of mine, we know each other for 6 years, became close friends during the last 3 years.

For friends who are not aware on the stages of breast cancer, please see attached.

Copied from http://www.cancerstory.com/servlets/hp_treatment_stage.jsp#breast

Stage I breast cancer: Cancer that is no bigger than 2 centimeters (about 1 inch) and has not spread outside the breast.

Stage II breast cancer: Stage II breast cancer means one of the following: cancer is no larger than 2 centimeters but has spread to the lymph nodes in the armpit (the axillary lymph nodes); cancer is between 2 and 5 centimeters (from 1 to 2 inches) and may have spread to the lymph nodes in the armpit; cancer is larger than 5 centimeters (larger than 2 inches) but has not spread to the lymph nodes in the armpit.

Stage III breast cancer: Stage III is divided into stages IIIA and IIIB. In stage IIIA breast cancer, the cancer (1) is smaller than 5 centimeters and has spread to the lymph nodes in the armpit, which have grown into each other or into other structures and are attached to them; or (2) is larger than 5 centimeters and has spread to the lymph nodes in the armpit. In stage IIIB breast cancer, the cancer (1) has spread to tissues near the breast (skin, chest wall, including the ribs and the muscles in the chest); or (2) has spread to lymph nodes inside the chest wall along the breast bone.

Stage IIIA breast cancer: Stage IIIA breast cancer is defined by either of the following: (1) the cancer is smaller than 5 centimeters and has spread to the lymph nodes under the arm, which have grown into each other or into other structures and are attached to them; (2) the cancer is larger than 5 centimeters and has spread to the lymph nodes under the arm. stage IIIB breast cancer: Stage IIIB breast cancer is defined by either of the following: (1) the cancer has spread to tissues near the breast (skin, chest wall, including the ribs and the muscles in the chest); (2) the cancer has spread to lymph nodes inside the chest wall along the breast bone.

Stage IV breast cancer: Cancer has spread to other organs of the body, most often the bones, lungs, liver, or brain; or tumor has spread locally to the skin and lymph nodes inside the neck, near the collarbone.

Apparently it is only during the later stage then it can be diagnosed. It was hard for me to handle as bits of information was flow to me, At one point, people are telling me that the most is 3 years for her to survive and that is after chemo. This friend of mine has just lost her mother (also due to cancer) less that 1 month ago. Her mom was a fighter, whenever I visit her, she will smile and say thanks but I could see the grief and pain in her eyes. It was a tough 2 years and finally she succumbed to the illness.

I was crying pretty hard when I got the news? Why her? she is too young? But who is ever old enough to be dianognesd with cancer? She was telling me not to be sad for her. Told me about the kids undergoing chemo therapy at the hospital. Saying how fortunate she was compared to the kids there. My friends are trying to do all sort of stuff for her. Like compiling book for her, cooking for her, wants to go chemo with her.

I don’t know what i can do, or that I refuse to do anything till all is calm. I think everyone is trying to do something now, friends, famlies must be doing something. Why is it that these things are not done prior to the news? Reflecting to myself, is there someone that i should treat better, Have I not done all I can for all my friends? I find myself guilty, not only for friends but also for my familiy, although we do a lot of things together but somehow i feel that i should be spending more time with them. Have more patience, do more housework and take care of my body for them

My friend is very positive so we have to strong for her too. She will be going for chemo end of the month but she is not going to do it alone because she has friends and family with her. It is not the end but the start of another long winding road.

Sometimes I pounder assume someone is to tell you that you have only 3 more years to live on a best scenario. What will you do? I think I might just strangle the person first. But then again, it is not so frightening anymore once you know. I still find it tough to handle but I’ve improved, experience and time will make someone grow. Regardless of good and bad we too have to take it in our stride.

Have faith

Cindy

It’s has been a long time since I updated my blog. Had a pleasant rest recently due to change of work. YUP Finally I left Hp and join a new company :) 
After spending the couple of days resting and more resting during my new job, I found that there are plenty of things that I want to do. Certain targets has been push back since couple of years back.

List of things that I want to do

1. View Aurora Borealis (Northern lights),
Technically they are aused by the Earth’s magnetic rays. Eg some of these rays enter the Earth’s atmosphere, they can cause rainbow colours, ribbon-like lights to appear in the skies.
But to me : There are magical lights that makes people feel like falling in love.

Target : Before 30

2. Obtain a Master
Was rejected again by NTU, 2nd rejection, Sad but that it means I’m given more time to take up some other courses. Think Accounting / Programming.

Target : By 35

3. Backpacking in Nepal
Wanted to visit Negal after my friends show me pictures after her trip. It seems like the simple, quiet place with great people. Of course the recent unrest makes me sad.

Target : By 28

4. White christmas.
I love christmas carols, and they are often about snow, reindeer and santa claus. I promise myself a white christmas some time back but always some reason will pop up the problem is that I’m very scared of cold.  Of course lah, I’m always day dreaming I will be there with someone who will protect me from the cold. Most prob watch too much korean show. Guess I have to bring my hot water bottle instead!! 

Target : By 27

5. Diving trip
After having my diving license did not manage to go for another trip. Hopefully I can go for 1 trip this year. Wanted to go for Redang but guess it’s kind of difficult. Tiomen is a better options.

Target : By Aug’06

6. Getting a Driving license
Yes finally after complaining for so long of the "ceiling high" driving lesson. I will be learning how to drive. But it will in secret, who knows maybe I will take 5 yrs to get it :) 

Target : By 30

7. Visit Turkey
yup the land of belly dancers. A totally different culture and FOOD

Target by 30

8. Learning a new sport
Newest fab - roller blading in East Coast. Every time I wanted to go for a lesson. God will want to water the flowers that day!

Target : By 26

9. Give more to the society
Participate in more volunteer work

Target : Immediate

10. Concentrate on my piano practise.
Lazy me always forget to practise. Since I’m free now, I should practise more frequently.

Target : Always

11. Catch up with friends
I have friends who been with me through the tough and good times in my life. Always felt lucky to have friends who supported me no matter what I do. Some friends will always make the effort to invite all of us out. It’s not easy really when all of us are commited to other stuff. But thanks, now my turn to make that effort too

Target : NOW

Now and then I will have more things on the board : ) I hope I can accomplish the list on top but then maybe year after year I will push back the target dates. But for now, I have a list of items to work on. Happy living !!

Cindy

Apparently I have lots to say today.. After penning my thoughts for soo many days i need to find a place to put it down (from a very good friend of mine) She says at least i have a place to vent my feelings.

Had a bad day today, wanted to spend some time alone. Kept thinking about what to do, how to make my life more meaningful.. wanted to cycle but the nearest place is 1hr away, went for a swim alone. Somehow when i’m in the pool I realise that it’s not what i want. Left after 20 mins.

Brought myself a ice-cream and walk home. The ice-cream did wonders, i should write a note to walls for the great product. On my way home, a friend call me. I asked, what is life to her? If living is to die, what is the point of living? What is the objective if the end state is the same for everyone. She was trying to tell me that by life is short and that by living life to the fullest was the only thing to do.

I think everyone have the same thoughts, why life and why death, who determine who lives, who dies and when. Different religion tells different things about after death. it’s a great unknown. But for now, i know that I’m very fortunate, by having sufficient food, having warmth, having shelter, having love from family members and friends. One friend says that i think too much, maybe maybe not. 

I was still thinking this morning how long do i have to be back to normal. I think the answer is never, people changes all the time. There is never back to normal just have to learn to except it. For now, I’m going to find great things to eat. enjoy my friends company, exploring new interest, find a happier job, volunteering.  Maybe i can bring joy to people life too. 

Cindy

i

Life comes in a package of sorrow, happinesss, hope and disappointment.

I receive the news of my grandmother death on Wednesday 5th Apr’06 during lunch time. Had a hard time stabilizing my emotions, not allowing tears to flow. But thinking that I will never be able to see her face, hear her voice. It was a lost that I can’t describe. It was a pain that I refuse to acknowledge.

I thought i can handle it, tried to finish my work for the day before i leave for the wake. But tears keeps flowing, send a mail to my boss telling him that i won’t be around. On my way home, friends call me but I refuse to pick up. What should I say? thanks? I’m ok? It’s better?  i can’t thus i left it ringing.

In Malaysia - it was a very simple wake nothing elaborate like the one of my grandpa. I wonder why?  I refuse to see my grandma maybe because I’m angry for her to leave without seeing me, angry why she could not get well, angry that i did not call back on Tuesday night when i had the bad feeling.

When i see my grandma for the last time, i could not recognize her at all. She looks foreign to me, like someone whom i have no recall of. She lived to  a ripe age of 85, but the last 4 was plagued with illness. Initially, She has dementia then her lungs was infected with water. finally she is bed-ridden.

One of my friend ask me, if her death was expected. All death are expected. All death are not expected. How do you know when someone is dying? Another friend told me that a human body is a hotel for the person soul to be in. So i hope that grandma soul is in a better place now.

At the wake, there is the constant burning of "money", the chanting from the monks. Does it really mean anything? Does it makes her departure easier? Nobody can tell me for sure but I rather everything was done than not. The mood was even consider relaxing, no tears from anyone. I rather believe that the hurt is in the heart then on the face.

I’m amazed that We can still eat, still breath, still joke, still laugh. Does a death of a love one means anything? I don’t know really but life goes on. Just at what speed it does.

She was burial next to my grandpa. I pray hard that she is in peace.  There are more sorrow that i will have to encounter in future but practice does not makes perfect. But that’s life.

Cindy